Skip to main content

#Oceandiaries: A Happy Life

 The wind blew softly, my long curly locks dancing around my face.

The white sun-dress I was wearing fluttered around my thighs, beating a rhythm that the wind loved because within seconds, it picked up speed as if trying to keep up.

I laughed as I fingered the material, twirling it round and round as I gazed out at the expanse of water before me.

What had I been thinking of?

Oh, right. A happy life.

I had spent the better part of the last two years “struggling and suffering”, in my sister’s words. Now, it was time for me to “laugh and love, Mia. Off you go.”

I grimaced. My sister’s penchant for cheesy rhymes had always been a pet peeve, especially when they were directed at me. According to her, if I just took some time off and ambled about in sleepy little nooks at seaside towns, I’d get my mojo back.

Right. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been happy before. Okay, so my husband, the love of my life since I was 12, had declared that I was “fundamentally incompatible” with him and taken off one fine evening, leaving me to fend for myself after a decade of being out of the work market, not to mention that I’d been stuck with custody of Terry – the terrier that my husband had oh-so-cleverly named and the mutt I’d never wanted, in the first place.

Still, he was kinda cute.

And then, because all bad things come in threes and it’s the one superstition I firmly believe in, my mom got a blinding headache one evening, collapsed and never woke up. A brain aneurysm can take out anybody, the doctors said, and it was just bad luck that it happened to take out my mom.

And then, I found out why I had suddenly become fundamentally incompatible with the man I’d known nearly all my life: Tinder isn’t just for Gen Z anymore. Apparently, even barristers in their mid-thirties can find a match and so, that’s just what he did.

Miraculously, after these disasters that had somehow become my life, I had still managed to retain my inherently sunny nature and positivity – negative thoughts? What were they?

“You don’t even have to learn how to overcome negative thoughts, Mia,” my sister had marvelled as she helped me pack my bags. “That’s just for the mortals like me. You? You just keep rolling with the punches.”

I agreed, whole-heartedly. No emotion stuck around too long in me – not happiness, not sadness, not anger, not anything. They just came and went, much like visitors. I’d found something bigger.

But this wasn’t a concept that anybody around me understood, least of all my sister. Because even as she admired my tenacity, in her words, I was living in denial and needed a good shake-up.

So, here I was in Bournemouth, the perfect little town for me because “your burns in life can only be washed away in Bournemouth, Mia.”

Nobody can deny her sense of humour.

And it had certainly helped. As I walked on the shores every day, revelling in the sunrises and cool foamy water, I could feel joy well up in me – was there anything more beautiful than Nature?

I’d spent 13 glorious days here and come morning, I was all set to leave. As the wind continued tugging at my coy dress, I pulled out a piece of paper from my big tote bag – one of my husband’s gifts from when I’d graduated university in Scotland at another seaside town much like this.

I’d carried this around for as long as I could remember – since I was 12 and the day my English teacher had walked into the classroom and promptly put everyone into pairs.

“Albert and Mia,” he said and I had thrilled inside because my prayers had been answered, my crush was by my side and that’s how our story had begun.

He continued, “You’re going to grow up and go out into the world and see and feel things that will not always be pleasant. To get through all of it, you’re going to need an anchor. And that anchor is going to come from you. How can you be happy, no matter what life brings you?”

He paused and we all looked at him blankly.

“Take out a piece of paper. Write down the heading, ‘My Principles of Happiness’. And under that, write down five things that you will always do to keep yourself happy. And then, no matter what you go through in life, do them. That’s it.

That’s the secret to happiness.”

I looked down at the worn piece of paper now, folded so many times that its edges were tearing and crumbling.

My Principles of Happiness

  • I will always kiss mommy and daddy goodnight.
  • I will always be there for my friends.
  • I will always cycle to the fruit shop for my juice every day.
  • I will always end my fights with Tina before sleeping.
  • I will always tell Albie I love him.

Every year since that year, Albert and I had made lists of happiness. Each year, the list had changed. But this, the first one I’d ever made, had always been a part of me.

I smiled, folded it back up and put it back inside the tote. Ever so often, I read it to remind myself of the innocence that had once existed in me – the innocence that still did.

It motivated me to keep making new lists even after Albert left. It had been something the two of us had done together. And now, it was only me.

But that’s what the principles of happiness were about – to be happy, no matter what.

I reached inside the tote once more and pulled out my notebook. As I flipped to a new page, the waves trickled toward me gently before pulling back, leaving behind their foam on my toes and a sparkly object.

I looked closer and burst out laughing. It was the pen I’d dropped on my walk earlier this morning that the waves had gobbled up before I could reach it. And now, here it was again, deposited neatly right by my foot. I wasn’t the least bit surprised.

Was there anything more beautiful than Nature?

Tomorrow, I’d leave. But my happy life? It’d be with me, no matter what.

I tugged the notebook closer and began writing.

My Principles of Happiness

  • I will look after Terry, with all my heart…
  • Comments

    Popular posts from this blog

    A Self-Important Life

      “Modesty is the colour of virtue.” The essence of this saying by Diogenes, a Greek philosopher, has likely shaped our growing-up years. Indeed, to be modest and humble was the very definition of a talented person. The more intelligent one was the more modest one was expected to be. Like anything though, modesty is best had when served in moderate doses. Swing too far the other way and we’ll hit the first of the building blocks that make up our personality – self-esteem. Why is self-esteem important? Quoting Brene Brown, an American professor and author, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are.” High self-esteem naturally breaks down barriers and allows us to step into vulnerability. And what is vulnerability? Accepting ourselves as we are at any given moment. The more vulnerable we allow ourselves to be, the more authentic we become. And this root of being oneself stems from the value we give ourselves – in...

    Can a Narcissist Change?

    Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is an acute condition that affects people throughout their lives. Narcissism can impact all areas of one’s life, including work, relationships and self-development. Personality disorders such as this one can be challenging to treat. The challenge is more difficult when people do not acknowledge that they have a problem. That being said, with intention, effort and commitment, it is possible for narcissists to change. If you are wondering what does a narcissist want from a relationship , it will help to first understand what narcissistic personality disorder is. NPD is a complex condition characterized by grandiose behaviours, an overinflated ego and little empathy for others. Like all other mental health issues, personality disorders too lie on a spectrum. Therefore, for milder cases, change may come easier.   Narcissists may want to change their behaviour when they are in a new relationship. If they have insight into their own patterns, they...

    What is Happiness – and Other Inanities

    I know, I know. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of articles out there describing happiness and what it means, how to discover what makes us happy etc. etc. I’m not here to talk about any of that. Let’s play a game instead. Ready? And I want you to really play it, not just read it. Let’s begin. Think of someone you admire or love. This person could be a fictional character from a favourite book or TV show; they could be a celebrity, an entrepreneur perhaps. They must be someone though who is not accessible to you in daily life. You don’t have any chance of meeting them or speaking with them but you really wish that you could. Have you thought of someone? Okay, good! Now, take a few minutes and make two lists – five questions you want to ask this person and five things you want to tell them. And as you jot each down, imagine yourself asking or telling them these things; imagine also their reaction. How would they respond to your questions? What would they say to your sharing? I wan...