Krishna's Musings on Life

I still remember the first time I saw him. He was still a ‘he’ then. You’ll see what I mean in a bit. It was my first time visiting his place. I entered the room silently, a little nervous, a little eager, a lot apprehensive. I’d have to wait 10 minutes for him to arrive. No problem. I looked around as I waited. There was soft music playing but I didn’t understand the words. It sounded pleasant and lovely – pleasing, like he wanted me to have a good time while I waited. The golden lights in the room were equally lovely. At one end, I saw a statue of him. Hmm. Not sure how I felt about that but I held my judgment. Maybe I didn’t understand it yet. He must have had a reason to install himself there, surely. I looked at the clock. It was nearly time. And almost like he had heard my thought, I felt the air around me shift. Everything felt still, silent. Just like his arrival. (A sidebar: Google the Gayatri Mantra lyrics . Read it. Then Google Gayatri Mantra in English . We carry on now.)

You may have come to this post thinking that I’m going to be writing about an abusive romantic partner. You’re wrong. I’m here to write about another man that broke me. My partner will only destroy me emotionally but I don’t know this yet because the future is yet to come. But this man. He broke me physically, emotionally, spiritually and every which way you can think of. Have you ever been raped? I hope to God your answer is no. Ma warned me, you know. She told me it was a broken marriage of broken minds from the beginning. But when you have been starved for love nearly all your life and all of a sudden, you come across a man willing to give it to you, there’s only one natural course of action, isn’t there? Let me be clear. This man was not my husband. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He wasn’t even someone I was attracted to. He was my best friend. And the first male in my life to show me affection because papa, he left when I was 12. We met at swim class. I was 16, shy, nerdy. Typical teena

I want to know what Love is I want You to show me… I want to feel what Love is I know that You can show me… So goes the Sri Argala Stotram by Krishna Das. He was born Jeffrey Kagel in America. His experiences on the spiritual path led him to take up a Hindu name. He became a vocalist, singing primarily devotional songs to the Divine. And that’s who he is today. When I first heard the Stotram , I was mesmerized. What were these words, who was this man singing them? And why did it fill me with a deep need to weep, to profess my love to something or someone I didn’t even know? Roopam dehi, jayam dehi yasho dehi, dvisho jahi… Grant us Your Form, Grant us Victory Grant us Welfare, Remove all Hostility Over and over and over, this line repeats itself. A beautiful, melting, aching chorus bringing together our heart strings, connecting them to Ma’s beautiful locks so that every time She twirls, our hearts dance right alongside Her. Her magnificent form, rising so far above us that to perceiv

So, you’ve just fallen in love. The very air around you seems soaked in romance, the unbearable summer heat suddenly feels like a cool breeze, the world around you is happy and you are wearing rose-tinted glasses. There’s nothing that could go wrong, you think. Every look, every touch is filled with joy and chemistry. You were made for each other. Little in the world is better than the feeling of love. What is love? It’s the feeling that pushes you to be the best version of yourself. All of a sudden, you find yourself putting your best foot forward. Your every gesture and action screams care and affection. All you want is for your partner to be happy. It’s you and her against the world. It’s you and him for life. Your bond feels unbreakable, entwined through lifetimes of togetherness. So, what happens a few years down the line? The newness in the relationship has worn off. You are familiar with your partner’s idiosyncrasies now. You know he always snores when he’s tired, she showers be

I read a story recently. A young woman from Kerala, Shalini, has been recently divorced. Tortured by her in-laws and husband for dowry and the colour of her skin, she bore it silently for months until her mother found out and brought her back home. Shalini is dark-skinned. And she’d spent most of her life defining herself by the comments she heard about it. The foremost on the list was how nobody would marry her because she wasn’t “fair”. She believed them . When another young man falls in love with her, he claims it is for who she is – her laughter, her pure heart and her duskiness which reminds him of Goddess Parvati. And she refuses to believe him . That’s the power of self-doubt : it can crumble to dust, every ounce of self-respect and care one feels for oneself. We feel unworthy, small and useless. And the kicker is that the seed of self-doubt is comparison. Can you imagine living a life like that? I’m sure you can because most of us have experienced this intensely. When we are be