The year was 2015 and the month was October. On a sunny, breezy evening, I stepped onto the beach. After weeks of moping about the house after a breakup, I’d finally left the house to breathe in the outside world for a while. I wanted to watch the sunset.
I ambled aimlessly towards the water, staring blankly, my rubber chappals catching on the sand and throwing it up in a choppy motion. My life felt rudderless.
“Yes, madam?” A gruff voice broke into my morose reverie. “Josiyam, madam? Full pakka future telling.”
I turned to my right where the voice had come from and saw a big, hulking man seated on the sand. He wore a beige shirt with the first three buttons unbuttoned and a blue lungi. He held a thick stick in his hand which had a big red design on it.
He met my eye and held up the stick. “Come, madam, josiyam. Cheap price.”
I wavered for a moment, my father’s scoffing voice ringing in my head. “Why astrology is real, I’ll never know. People are so foolish!”
Then I acquiesced. What was the big deal? It wasn’t like I believed in astrology, numerology report or any other future predicting mechanism anyway. At the most, this would give me some harmless entertainment, something I desperately desired.
“Okay,” I plopped down on the sand and held out my hand. “Tell future.”
He placed his stick on my hand and peered closely. “Madam… love failure?”
My jaw dropped. “Errr…yes?”
He nodded intelligently. “Hand is showing, madam. You love failure. But no worry, madam. Very soon, marriage happening. Two babies, one boy, one girl. Settling abroad.”
I was quite dumbstruck. How had this man known I’d just come off a breakup? Granted, I’d looked down enough for anyone to make an educated guess but still.
Oh my god, I thought. Is astrology real?!
I listened as he went on to outline a few more events from my past and a few personality traits, surprisingly accurately. Was madam short-tempered but kind? Did madam have a younger brother? Was madam rebellious and independent?
Yes, madam was indeed all those things and madam did indeed have a younger brother.
While I was not gullible enough to believe that a lot of what he said was not clever guesswork, I couldn’t deny his uncanny ability to pinpoint a few aspects that were specific to my life.
I went home that evening, excited for the first time in a long while, and spent the evening reading up on astrology and numerology number. One of the articles I came across, Is Astrology Real? confirmed my perspective on the science while another page pulled up a numerology calculator where I could generate my own chart. It was pretty cool.
It was so cool, in fact, that the very next day, I dragged the afore-mentioned younger brother to the beach with me because I wanted him to experience the miracle free astrologer for himself. He came along reluctantly, unwilling to upset an already-fragile older sister.
I scoured the beach for a bit before spotting the astrologer by the water.
He’d changed spots today.
I walked up to him happily, my rubber chappals slapping against my heels.
“Remember me? This is my younger brother.” I pointed to him as I settled myself on the sand. “Josiyam for him also.”
The man smiled. “Ah, yes, madam. Come, sir. Seeing future for you. Smart you are looking, sir.”
My brother smiled uncomfortably and sat down beside me, holding out his hand.
The man tapped his hand with the stick and looked at it closely for a minute before looking up sombrely. “Oh, not good, sir. You have curse.”
“A curse?” My brother tried to look serious but I spotted the tell-tale twitch at the side of his mouth. Oh no.
“Yes yes, sir, big curse. You no having job till 30 years. Need to remove dosham, sir.”
“Ah, I see,” my brother looked back at him gravely. “What to do to remove curse?”
“Oh, very simple, sir!” The man brightened instantly. “I having pendant. You take pendant, wear for 30 days. After 30 days, you coming here, sir. I do pooja for you. After pooja, you removing shirt and standing in water for 10 minutes, turning five times in all directions, sir. Round and round. Then putting pendant in water. Dosham removed.”
There was a short silence while the man beamed. I sat there mutely, horror-struck.
My brother cleared his throat. “Ah.. how much money?”
“Just 3000, sir. Charging very cheap, not like other frauds here,” the man said, snorting in disgust as he thought about the other frauds, no doubt.
I stood up and shook out the sand on my dress. “Okay. No having money now. We come back later.”
The man looked disappointed. “Discount rate for you, madam. 2500 only. Pay advance now, just 1000. Rest, later.”
My brother stood up as well. “Sorry, buddy. Some other time.”
He watched us walk away, his irritation and contempt trailing behind us.
There was a pause before I looked up at my brother sadly. “I’m sorry. My miracle man turned out to be a fraud.”
He laughed. “Oh, don’t worry,” he said, kindly, slinging his arm around my shoulder. “He may have told you things accurately but then greed got the better of him when he saw me.”
I cheered up. Maybe that was it.
We went out for dinner and ended up having a great evening.
Needless to say, that was the end of my experiments with astrology. Of course, I still sat down with one every now and then when I visited the beach or the temple, to entertain myself, but I was never so vulnerable again.
Living my life, the way I want to, is astrology enough for me. Thank you, I say.
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