The Law of Attraction

Today is a new day. And with it has come a fresh start.

Let me tell you right off the bat that this is a load of crap. I don’t believe in fresh starts. They don’t exist.

Life is just one long plodding road that we tread and then we die. There is no respite, no other recourse than to just survive.

That’s what it’s begun to feel like lately, anyway, with all the long days at hospital and the constant caring for Sara.

I can’t take it anymore. I want to run away.

Yes, I know I’m her husband and I’m not supposed to say that. But that’s how I feel, damn it, and you can’t tell me otherwise.

I didn’t sign up for this when I married her. I had promised to be with her in sickness and in health but I didn’t really believe I would ever live through the sickness part. That’s just something you say when you get married.

It’s been seven excruciatingly long months. I have watched her wither away in front of me, going from a beautiful, healthy woman to a weak, thin skeleton I could snap with my bare hands.

Graphic? I’m sorry. But that’s how it’s been, watching the woman I love fade away from life into death.

To make matters worse, there’s this couple on the other side of the hall. Indians with a kid. The wife is the one with cancer. Pre… Prena, I think.

Prerna. That’s it.

And the husband fellow has been with her, day in and day out. Sometimes, the kid pays a visit. She always looks sad when she leaves. Does she know her mother will likely die?

But I’ve watched them. I’ve watched him. The way he’s always upbeat and cheery around her, the way he tells her he loves her a hundred times a day and the way he always holds her hand when she sleeps.

I swear I’m not spying. I just walk past their room a lot because it’s on the way to the canteen.

Once, I saw him reading aloud from some book while she slept. Who the heck reads to someone who’s asleep? And then, when I walked past a second time, I saw the title – The Secret.

Wasn’t that the wishy-washy book about attracting what you wanted out of life? I’d wanted a happy married life and a bunch of kids. Look where that had gotten me. Law of attraction, indeed. Don’t get me started.

However, I continued to see him reading from the book over the next few days and eventually, curiosity got the better of me. I bumped into him in the canteen one day and before I could stop myself, I was reaching out, shaking his hand, introducing myself. He smiled warmly and despite myself, I felt… safe?

I couldn’t take it. “Why are you reading that nonsense?” I asked gruffly. “It’s a load of crap.”

He looked startled for a moment and then, his face relaxed. “Who’s in the hospital?” he asked gently.

“My wife,” I said shortly.

He looked at me empathetically. “I’m sorry. It must be very difficult.”

“Yep,” I said bluntly. “Why aren’t you more upset that your wife is dying?”

He smiled. “Are you kidding? I cry my eyes out every night. In fact, Pri and I – that’s my daughter – have a bet to see who cries more at the end of each day. It’s not easy, Sam. But it is what it is.

“Besides,” he added, “We’re gonna beat this thing. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, including reading books that are ‘a load of crap’.”

I snorted and almost unwillingly, my face stretched into a smile. It felt rusty, out of use and stunted.

Prem noticed. He reached out, taking my hand. I was taken aback but let my hand rest in his. “Do you know,” he asked, “what Pri asked me yesterday? She asked me to narrate the story of how I asked her mother to marry me. For the hundredth time, it felt like. I wondered for a long time why a seven-year-old would be so interested in this story, asking to hear it over and over again.

“And then, it occurred to me. It’s her first experience of love. She doesn’t know she’s feeling love but she knows what she’s experiencing. What does being in love feel like? We know because we have lived it. For Pri? I’m her first experience of love, her Mama is her first experience of love. Obviously, she wants to know how we fell in love.”

I listened quietly. Where was he going with this?

He squeezed my hand gently. “I know it’s difficult, Sam. Believe me, I live through what you’re going through every day. And there are times I want to throw in the towel and just run. Do you know what holds me back?”

I shook my head.

“Pri asking me every day, ‘what does love feel like?’ She looks up at me with those big, wide eyes and in that moment, I want to give her the world. She’s learning about the world by learning how I treat her Mama and how I show her what love can look like.

“I know you don’t have kids, Sam. I’ve seen you around here for a long time. But only remember this – you are leaving behind a legacy of love. In the future, the hell we are living at the moment will all be history. But it is in our hands to make the present as beautiful as possible so that history will look upon us as men who did their best, who left behind a kinder, more loving world for the kids.

“At least that’s how I want to be known. Don’t you?”

Throat too tight to speak, I could only nod. Yes.

“Then, go out there and do it. Your wife needs you. As tough as it is for you, it is infinitely tougher for her. Don’t wallow. Love instead.”

He released my hand and clapped my shoulder before walking away. At the entrance, he turned back. “Sam,” he called out. “Just a suggestion – buy The Secret. You never know what the law of attraction can bring you.”

Back in the hospital room, I pulled out my phone. Prem Thapar, I typed in, and a bunch of results popped up. I clicked on the first one.

Prem Thapar is the founder of ZekoEats, a multinational food recommendation and delivery company. Founded in August 2013, ZekoEats is famous for acquiring millions of dollars in investments within two short years of its launch. Prem (a Hindu name for ‘love’) states that it is his love of food that led him to envision a startup that could eventually span the globe…

I stopped reading. I didn’t need to know anything more.

When love comes calling, you’d be a fool to not invite him in.

The next day, I settled in next to Sara as she slept. A copy of The Secret in my hand, I began reading aloud.

Like attracts like, after all.