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The minute before - How to deal with negative emotions minutes before an important moment

I sat biting my nails in the corner of the Physics lab as my roll number inched closer and closer to being called out.

The ongoing practical exam, which accounted for 30% of the grade in my final Physics board examination had sailed rather smoothly but after messing up my viva in Chemistry the week before, my confidence had plummeted as anxiety and negative emotions made way.

 We, students, were allowed to use our books and mobile phones for revision, for revisiting any of the concepts that might need another glance as we waited for our turn to let out a year’s worth of crammed up information and present it to the external examiner as knowledge.

“Difference between ammeter and voltmeter,” I Googled- the most basic of all questions; safe to say I was blanking out. My fingers trembled and I struggled to get through the overload of information the screen pulled up before me. But before long I realized, I was looking for answers to the wrong questions.

I started Googling tips on how to be positive and tricks on how to deal with fears and negative thoughts. One of the articles I came across asked me to ‘Let go,’ and somehow, it suddenly made sense. My entire struggle had stemmed from the fact that I had clung to the failures of my past too strongly and was refusing to try again with a fresh mind. So rather than feeding my negative emotions, I took a deep breath and tried to make a conscious effort to change my perspective and think of the things I did remember.

“Roll number 32,” I was up. I walked up to the tiny room attached to the far end of the lab and sat on the chair placed before a terrifying examiner I had never laid eyes on before. But again, deep breaths helped. After the initial introduction, she began asking me questions that to the best of my knowledge, were never part of the syllabus. But resistance was useless. I kept a calm head and thought hard before answering but always answered. Always tried.

After 6-7 questions, none of whose answers I was sure of having gotten right, my viva was over and I was asked to leave with an unimpressed look painted all over my examiner’s face. Though a huge Physics nerd, this incident, if I had let it, would’ve been enough to bog me down and make me question my very interest and aptitude in the subject. But as I chose to take control of the situation, I reminded myself to be positive. I realized that the ups and downs of life might seem like the end of the world but in truth, all that mattered was accepting the constant flow of one’s journey.

That night, I spent hours looking for answers to all the questions I was asked a few hours ago, not because I wanted to check whether I was right or not and calculate my possible marks but because they had sparked in me an interest in doing some research beyond the course as well. Simply accepting the state of things had put me at ease and pumped into new energy to move forward while being excited for what I might explore.   
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