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The Toxicity of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissism – the term has been around for a long time in Psychology circles. It’s only in the past few years that the average Joe has begun to hear of it.


Who is a narcissist?

Simply speaking, a narcissist is someone who always puts themselves first. Their world revolves around themselves alone, and everyone and everything else takes a distant backseat.

In the best of situations, this is not the ideal deal. In a romantic relationship? It’s many times worse.

To a narcissist, anything that goes wrong in the relationship is a result of their partner’s incompetence. Their partner is not good enough, should have tried harder, should have done things differently etc. If they are upset, it’s because their partner can’t cheer them up. If they are angry, it’s because their partner riled them up.

Even if they are caught cheating, it’s because the partner couldn’t provide them with what they needed.

In other words, a narcissist is always, always right.


How to Know You Are with a Narcissist: Symptoms

  1. While conversing with your partner, you are on eggshells, afraid of setting them off by saying the wrong thing.
  2. You constantly feel like you don’t match up to your partner’s expectations even when you are doing your best.
  3. Everything is your fault.
  4. Your partner has an explanation for everything, making it seem like they can do no wrong and you are the one who’s over-reacting. Your relationship revolves around your partner’s voice and preferences.

These are just some symptoms that may help you figure out who you are with.

If you are in a relationship where you are always in the wrong, be assured that you are dating or are married to a narcissist.


The Toxicity in a Narcissistic Relationship:

If you are with a narcissist long enough, emotionally damaging behaviours will start to feel normal. You may find yourself continually apologizing and pacifying your partner. Or you may find yourself changing and moulding yourself to please her.

You may find that you are the weaker partner in all respects – the relationship is not between two equals but between a dominant partner and a submissive one. Does a narcissist define your identity in such a relationship? Yes. By continuously submitting to him, you begin to lose your sense of self.

All of this serves only one purpose – a severe detriment of your emotional well-being. Your partner may not be physically abusive but in all other aspects, you feel beaten down, unhappy and drained.

If you were to try walking away, what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship will only guilt you into coming back. She may shower you with words and acts of love, he may persuade you into believing that he is the only one you will ever love. You may be pursued until you are eventually convinced that you have made a mistake in breaking up with them and decide to go back.

And then, the whole cycle repeats itself. Over and over.

A relationship with a narcissist can only end in one of two ways – resigned acceptance or an intensely messy breakup.

In both cases, there is only one path to seeing it through to the end – work towards filling yourself up with compassion, grace and kindness.

This is the spiritual way.

Not only will it ease the situation, it will also elevate you to great heights of consciousness.

Because no matter how difficult or scary a relationship with a narcissist is, they are also human beings carrying baggage and turmoil – just like us. The difference is, their coping mechanism is a huge sense of self-importance which is destructive for the people around them.

Ultimately, every person is in our lives to teach us the lessons we need to grow. How do you want to learn your lesson? Gracefully or messily?

That choice is always ours.
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