The Effects of Meditation

She watched helplessly as he walked slowly to the door. Almost like he was hoping she would stop him.

But that had never been her way.

Today, he was leaving. Just like he had been telling her for two long years. Preparing her, steeling her for his inevitable departure.

Her lips trembled as he reached the door. One hand on the doorknob, he turned to look at her one last time.

“Bye Ma.” His voice came out a whisper and just for a moment, she was taken back twenty-one years ago to when he spoke his first word. Didi – a whisper, a sliver of voice just like now.

His sister had shrieked in delight and picked him up, swung him around as they both laughed unabashedly.

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him now, six foot one, and more far away than she had ever imagined him being.

“Bye.” Her voice was a whisper too and she knew she was on the verge of a breakdown. If he was leaving, it had to be now.

Almost as if he knew, he gave her a smile and turned away, but not before she caught the quiver of his lips too. Her first sob broke loose just as the door clicked shut.

Her boy. Her life. He was gone. Just like his sister.

Do you know the worst thing in the world, as a parent?

The death of your child. It is devastating, agony beyond words.

Now, imagine losing your child while they are still alive. It’s much, much worse.

At least, when they are dead, you know they aren’t coming back. The grief and healing process can begin.

But knowing that your child is alive and not knowing if you’ll ever see them again is infinitely more painful. How does one let go of the child you have poured your heart and soul into raising, who is not just someone you love but part of your very soul, your extension walking outside your body?

It is near impossible.

And that was what my mother had to do that day – say goodbye to her son, just weeks after saying goodbye to her daughter. Both in pursuit of the same destination.

God.

It may sound strange. But life is strange.

I could sugar-coat it, talk about the endless wonders of the spiritual path, the beauty of meditation, the even more beautiful rewards that await the sincere practitioner and so on.

Why, I could wax eloquent about the profound side-effects of meditation, even for someone who has done only a few dozen hours of it. I could rave about how the pain of separation is worth the joy of the journey.

But that’s not this story.

This is the story of the mother who willingly sacrificed her children to their calling. Her endless love and compassion for them made her stay away as they walked their paths, figuring out their way.

She carried them in her heart even as they distanced themselves. Because the person you are most attached to is the person who will eventually become a stumbling block in the spiritual pursuit. For them, that person was their mother.

Their love for her was so immense that they had to let her go, for the greater good. And she, them.

All sounds very cryptic, doesn’t it?

My heart isn’t in the explanation. Tonight is just for expression. And to tell you this: if you have ever experienced your mother’s hand, you have experienced the Divine.

Because a mother is God in human form.

And there is no greater blessing than her love.