As a child, we are often told to suppress our feelings. It has happened to me so many times that someone has tried to mock my breakdowns. Whenever I had some major failure, I tended to express my anger. However, I was told to “calm down” and stop “overreacting” while they continue to poke about my failures. I was manipulated into believing that expressing your feelings and accepting what you are - makes one an “attention-seeker”. I tried to suppress my anger issue and stopped expressing myself in front of people. However, it only deteriorated my control over my own mental health.
No one told me that crying, shouting, freaking out, stressing, over-thinking are just some of our human emotions that are just as normal as laughing, enjoying, and having fun. We always appreciate the good parts of our psyche and try to cover up the bad ones. It took me years to realize that my over-reacting or vexation ain’t my character, and there is nothing wrong with me being worried about something. It's just me doing things my way. And then I knew, proving my worth to someone else and changing myself for society is not the motive of life, that’s when I started my journey of self-love.
Under the pressure of proving our worth to others, we often get lost in the chaos of expectations, demands, and desires. Due to this, we try to project a different version of ourselves to others that never existed and hence lose our real selves bit by bit.
Self-love has many different aspects and is perceived in multiple ways. And either way, it is applicable. Many believe that self-love means taking care of skin, hair, hygiene, working out, and eating healthy. And yes, that is indeed a part of self-love. We can say it’s a baby step towards mental healing or a little warm-up to start the rest. If you cannot make time for yourself, you won’t be able to evaluate the following steps to grow in the process. Do you remember the last time you followed a proper nighttime skincare routine or just cooked fancy food for yourself? What is your answer?
Do you love yourself?
This question might be as simple to answer as it is to perform. Firstly, it is necessary to understand what is "not" self-love. There is a saying that to share a room with someone, you first need to know the bad habits of that person. If you are okay with the bad habits, you might end up being the best roommates! And that’s precisely what self-love is all about. We all have negative traits, and it is our responsibility to recognize and accept those to improve us. Because love does not bind or blind you, it makes you a better person.
Sometimes it is hard to achieve things we have planned for us and we immediately try out various remedies to peace our inner storm. During those tough times, pushing ourselves to listen to spiritual music pieces and spiritual quotes on self-love can actually help us find our way home and light the darkness hovering within ourselves. And, also it gives us new perspectives to find purpose in life and our destiny.
What are the most common ways of not practicing self-love?
Self-sabotaging: According to Carl Jung’s theory, the most easy way to misinterpret our desires in material things is to not understand our shadow self. The ‘shadow self’ according to him is the part within ourselves that is unresolved and full of doubts. It is created by societal norms and parental guidance. Imagine what you wished to become and how you used to socialize when you were young? Are you the same person from your childhood or you are someone you never wished you were? Your task is not to seek love but to break all the barriers and walls which you have built against yourself. Don’t put your negative traits in the dark, pull that out to the light and try to accept that.
Your Inside Voice: What is your inside voice like when you make a mistake? Is it harsh, loving, strict, frustrated, or angry? Our inside voice depicts how we see and treat ourselves. According to psychologists, recognizing your voice inside can unfold our inner qualities more. Be melting snow, wash yourself of yourself. Make sure to treat yourself more gently and with kindness.
Perfectionism: Doing things in a particular way or in time has been taught to us from our childhood. These teachings are vital in our growth, but sometimes the pressure to do things perfectly makes us vulnerable to our mistakes. We often forget that mistakes are a part of us and are signs of improvement. Accepting mistakes and learning from them is what the idea of perfectionism actually stands for.
Justifying yourself: Do you tend to justify every action? Do you often keep on boasting about your good deeds and cover your bad ones. Justifying yourself is a sign of proving your self-worth to the outer world. The person full of doubt and anxiety is prone to justify themselves.
Start your Journey towards Self Acceptance and Self Love
The path to loving the self is a journey to walk forever. After toggling over millions of articles and books, that failed to clarify how to start loving myself, I eventually found the closure in understanding that it does not have to be a smooth process. A friend of mine suffering from ADHD had a weird obsession with keeping himself extra updated and doing his best in every class. To him, it was a sign of practicing self-love. The reason behind this obsessive behavior was to become the smartest kid so that he would not get bullied by others for his mental situation. And eventually, although he succeeded in ranking best in his academic life, he still could not improve his self-esteem. He still thrives to become the best in whatever situation he is. He still values what others think of him more than whether he wants to do or feel.
Be Kind to Yourself!
Loving yourself needs a much kinder, humble view of the journey. When we love someone we tend to forgive and forget about their flaws and try to understand their deeds. Revisiting the past and identifying the reason behind the failures and losses might help you understand why you couldn’t achieve what you wanted.
Self-love and self-acceptance are interlinked and can’t be separated. We have discussed how focusing on our flaws makes us harsh and ruthless about our taken journey whereas accepting those makes us stronger to admit that we are full of imperfection that needs to be rectified. That enlarges our arenas of learning more of our weaknesses and building our strengths.
Bottom Line
Taking small baby steps can lead you to a happy life. Everyone deserves love, and first and foremost everyone deserves to love by themselves. Self-love and self-acceptance give us the strength to accept and love the people around us. We become more aware that no one is better than anyone rather everyone is unique and has their destiny to fulfill. Your heart is the size of an ocean, you need to find yourselves in its hidden depth.
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