Krishna's Musings on Life

Today is a new day. And with it has come a fresh start. Let me tell you right off the bat that this is a load of crap. I don’t believe in fresh starts. They don’t exist. Life is just one long plodding road that we tread and then we die. There is no respite, no other recourse than to just survive. That’s what it’s begun to feel like lately, anyway, with all the long days at hospital and the constant caring for Sara. I can’t take it anymore. I want to run away. Yes, I know I’m her husband and I’m not supposed to say that. But that’s how I feel, damn it, and you can’t tell me otherwise. I didn’t sign up for this when I married her. I had promised to be with her in sickness and in health but I didn’t really believe I would ever live through the sickness part. That’s just something you say when you get married. It’s been seven excruciatingly long months. I have watched her wither away in front of me, going from a beautiful, healthy woman to a weak, thin skeleton I could snap with my bare ha...

Have you ever come up with a list of New Year resolutions? Or formulated a five-year plan for your life? Maybe you’ve formed plans for a new business or job. You may have planned out an extensive travel itinerary. And then, your plans fall through. They don’t work out or they deviate from their original course, taking you down a path you never intended to walk. Why? You may wonder, especially when big plans slip through the cracks. Why have my plans failed? What should I do with my life now? The question of how you should redirect your life now is one only you can answer. However, here are five more reasons (find the first five here ) why plans fail. If you know why they fail, you will know where to modify them and what track to take, going forward: 1. Lack of Will: This is the foremost reason for plans failing. You lack the willpower and determination to see things through to the end. If your new year’s resolution was to exercise regularly (say, five times a week) and by Day 10, you ...

It was raining again. For the 3 rd time this week, the clouds had decided to unleash their powers exactly when all of us were prepared to go downstairs for our sports period. 4-D looked grim. “Why us?” we howled. “Why couldn’t it rain an hour later during 4-A’s PE period?” As we stared out of the classroom windows and cursed our luck, the substitute teacher had walked in and made herself comfortable. But the general air of gloominess wasn’t lost on her either. She asked one of the students what the matter was and soon was up and about looking for chalk. “Students,” she smiled, “Let’s play a game.” Though most of us had no interest in playing these childish indoor games which we well understood were just to keep us busy, we complied. “It’s called name, place, animal, thing.” We sighed. “But with a twist! You have to list the names of people, places, animals and things you love and are thankful to God for . Let’s start!” What followed was a series of twisted expressions as a result of t...

I sat biting my nails in the corner of the Physics lab as my roll number inched closer and closer to being called out. The ongoing practical exam, which accounted for 30% of the grade in my final Physics board examination had sailed rather smoothly but after messing up my viva in Chemistry the week before, my confidence had plummeted as anxiety and negative emotions made way.  We, students, were allowed to use our books and mobile phones for revision, for revisiting any of the concepts that might need another glance as we waited for our turn to let out a year’s worth of crammed up information and present it to the external examiner as knowledge. “Difference between ammeter and voltmeter,” I Googled- the most basic of all questions; safe to say I was blanking out. My fingers trembled and I struggled to get through the overload of information the screen pulled up before me. But before long I realized, I was looking for answers to the wrong questions. I started Googling tips on how t...

Narcissism – the term has been around for a long time in Psychology circles. It’s only in the past few years that the average Joe has begun to hear of it. Who is a narcissist? Simply speaking, a narcissist is someone who always puts themselves first. Their world revolves around themselves alone, and everyone and everything else takes a distant backseat. In the best of situations, this is not the ideal deal. In a romantic relationship? It’s many times worse. To a narcissist, anything that goes wrong in the relationship is a result of their partner’s incompetence. Their partner is not good enough, should have tried harder, should have done things differently etc. If they are upset, it’s because their partner can’t cheer them up. If they are angry, it’s because their partner riled them up. Even if they are caught cheating, it’s because the partner couldn’t provide them with what they needed. In other words, a narcissist is always, always right. How to Know You Are with a Narcissist: Symp...

He gritted his teeth as he followed her movements on the map. It was the third time this week she’d taken the same route. Does she really not remember that we’re synced on Tracker? he thought. Or does she not care anymore? He shook off that question immediately. It wasn’t true. He knew she cared. It was just that she didn’t care enough anymore; if she had, she would have remembered that they’d synced each other’s phones to the Tracker app last winter, the night her car had broken down on the state highway in the middle of the night with a snowstorm brewing. It was the last time he’d allowed her to come and visit him. After six hours of wild emotions and grappling with the very real possibility of her death, the risk just didn’t seem worth it. She’d argued, of course, but he hadn’t budged. When had it all changed? How had she gone from the woman who drove hours to be with him just for one night to the woman who was now visiting her ex-lover three times in one week? Maybe they were just ...

Nine years ago, I attended a weekend workshop called Script Writing. No, it had nothing to do with the art of writing. It was a follow-up to another workshop I had attended a few months prior, Transactional Analysis (TA) 101. No, it had nothing to do with business or banking. Both focused solely on one thing and one thing alone – the self. I found out that I was carrying truckloads of baggage and emotional trauma from my childhood that I had not yet processed and released. We all do, you know - carry baggage. Some of us are much more severely wounded with very evident trauma such as rape, other forms of abuse, the death of a parent and so on. For the others, the baggage is less evident, more subtle but it still lurks beneath the surface, ready to come out in an unsavoury scenario. One of my traumas? Moving to a new country smackdab in the middle of my adolescent years, leaving behind my friends, a school I loved, a home I adored and the boy I liked. Given enough time, we might have eve...

Have you loved someone so deeply that life without them seems not just unimaginable, but unbearable? If so, I feel you. It’s not easy. It is, in fact, horribly difficult. My worst breakup was when my ex decided that he needed a break from us and left. He didn’t promise that he would be back even though I desperately wanted the assurance. The four months between the time he left and the time he came back were amongst the most uncertain and saddest periods of my life. I didn’t leave my house for weeks. I didn’t shower for days, I stayed in front of the TV, dully watching random cooking shows and series, songs and films, even the news when I wanted to focus on someone else’s misery, wondering if my life would ever be the same again. I cried so much that I threw up. Hearing my lifeless, hollow voice over the phone, my mother grew so worried that she came down to visit me, travelling overnight. She convinced me to come outside for a short while but we’d barely made it to a nearby café befor...